So, you’ve just come out of a relationship with an incredible woman that you thought would be around for at least as long as you are. She might have left you, or you’ve been telling everyone that asks that the decision was mutual; regardless, the temptation to submit to the trite request of being friends can be tempting.
Post-relational friendships can work out, it is certainly not unheard of; but if you thought that the aftermath of your breakup seems complicated now, then you are in for a series of unpleasant surprises if you’re aiming to keep her around.
The following reasons why it is not the best idea to remain friends may not occur after every breakup, but any one of them is unpleasant enough to put you off of taking the risk in the first place.
You need to get over each other
Even in a short relationship, once it is over, there are an assortment of old and unproductive habits that you’ll both need to break. You may have developed a reliance on each other, you likely have your schedules worked around one another, and you now have to get used to sleeping in the middle of the bed.
These are the easy habits to kick. Your emotions will be raw after the breakup, making you sensitive and not altogether there. Since time, it is said, is the only healer; you’ll need plenty of it to move on, and so will she.
Remaining friends won’t give either of you the time that you need to do this, it will just keep you locked in a hopeful spiral of watching your mutual love turn into eventual hate for each other.
You’re lining yourselves up for more heartbreak
If you keep close contact with your ex, it is only a matter of time before the two of you are tempted to give it another shot; which sounds lovely right now, doesn’t it?
You have to remember though, that the two of you parted ways for some very specific reasons, reasons which are not likely to have melted away after the break up. Sure, you’ll both try to change to make it work; but you’ll frustrate yourselves and each other, and likely wind up right back where you are now.
Jealousy is an ugly word
Out of the entire range of human emotions, there is possibly not one more destructive than jealousy; and the severity of yours will depend on how the breakup has left your ego feeling. She’s not yours anymore pal, I’m sorry. Chasing after her to see who she is meeting up with will only make things worse for your bruised ego and heart, and the situation might be intensified when you find yourself in an emotional game designed to make both you and her writhe in jealousy.
Have you spent time going mad before?
There are a few times in life where a man can understandably lose his mind; and going through a particularly nasty breakup is one of them. In the aftermath of your breakup, you won’t be thinking all too clearly since you’ll be fueled with an ugly mixture of hope and hate; and the mere image of your ex could cause this cocktail of disdain to swell.
So why then would you actually keep contact and put yourself in that situation.
You are doing yourself and them an injustice
You try meeting new woman with an ex-girlfriend-come-best friend in the background. I know you don’t want to hear this, but it applies to both of you.
The presence of an ex fowling the air like a spirit will make your further ventures for romance all but impossible since it can be fairly intimidating for your candidates.
She is going to cock-block you at every turn, and you’ll likely find yourself doing the same to her. So rather just stay away.
I hope you love self-abuse
Even when everything is going wonderfully in life, it can be all too difficult to avoid the pitfall of comparing yourself to others; especially in a light that makes you feel unworthy.
Now imagine yourself, as her friend, having to politely introduce yourself to her stream of new boyfriends.
You will be comparing all of your negative qualities up against their good ones, convincing yourself that you simply weren’t enough for her; but you know what I say? Screw that noise. You are awesome.
But having all of her new itinerary around won’t make you feel that way. So why put yourself in that position in the first place.
But the choice is yours
There are a ton of reasons why it is a terrible idea to keep close ties with your ex, especially with those relationships that were characterized by intensity and length.
Of course, there is no textbook to dating and how to deal with the end of a relationship. Everybody needs to pick up the pieces in a way that best suits them.
Post-breakup friendships might seem doomed to fail, and by a large margin they generally are. Try to approach the decision with a certain amount of logic. The end of a relationship is no time to listen to your heart; perhaps settle for listening to friends and family instead. They’ll always tell you what you need to hear after a breakup has concluded.
Why not rather take some time to appreciate who you are when you are not linked to someone else? There will be plenty of opportunities in the past to meet women who can give you what your ex could not. Stay strong; keep soldiering on; and most importantly, keep away.
"Terrence Kennedy is the man’s man on a journey to self-discovery. A traveler, extreme sports aficionado, an observant wanderer, a DIY man, an ultimate outsider and documentarist of culture, sex, dating, relationship, fashion, style and gentleman's etiquette. He has learned a lot through his escapades and continue to do so, and is happy to pass that knowledge to you."